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Saturday, March 12, 2011

I choose Love.

There are a few things things.
A) I am starting a Christian blog
B) This will become my writing blog.
C) It will not be retroactive.
D) After this, this blog will be stories, and poetry.
E) Christian Blog URL: (No posts yet)
F) I am looking for writing partners for my new blog.
1) Requirements: Christian, Able to write coherently, Solid theologically.
2) If you are interested: Facebok, Text, Call, Email, or Contact me however.

I turned 18 on saturday. A week ago.
I feel like nothing has changed except everything is a little more meaningful.
All I want is happiness. I want fulfillment. I know how to have it, but then I see the things I should stay away from. All of the sudden, the temptations are clarified. Like evil meets HDTV. Everything is so crystal clear. The other side of this is that I see what is good and right just as clearly. The stakes are higher. And now I finally get it. I can not succeed on my own.

I don’t want to fight, and struggle and then fail. Failure, which seems so much more likely than success. My calling to lead, to minister, to be above reproach seems so much more difficult now. It does not make sense to me. Like I was playing a game, and now I am fighting a war. Spiritually and emotionally.

I did not understand that everything I was learning as a kid was actually preparing me for what I have to face. I do have to face it, but not alone. I won’t face this alone.

Let’s just be real. I am so far from perfect, but I am supposed to strive for perfection. I am not afraid of failure. I am afraid that, maybe, if I try, I might just succeed. I am a messed up person. I say and do stupid stuff. I am unwholesome. I am not pure. My mind has lots of nasty things in it, that I don’t take captive. And where am I going with this?
I can’t beat it on my own. Nobody can.

I sound like a broken record. But it is what I know to be true. Believe it, or don’t. But Jesus loves me. And Jesus loves you. I have no doubt that Christ is the only way to victory.

So how can I go from being dirty and dark, to perfect? I am not sure. But the first step is easy. Step into the light.

I sin. I mess up. I struggle to do what I know is right. And to not do what I know is wrong. I have issues with anger and lust and pride. But I want to be meek, and pure, and humble. I want to be filled with righteousness. And I want to start being about one thing. Doing the will of God.

I can no longer hide behind the excuse of being just a child. I can’t wait for somebody else to be my battle buddy. There is a line. I choose the side of salvation. I choose to live. For God, for others. I choose to love.

1 comment:

  1. That was powerful...motivating....inspirational. I commented as anonymous because I didn't know what the other stuff was...your technophobe of a mother was here. ;)