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Friday, July 9, 2010

To Obey Or Sacrifice

I have been feeling mightily depressed since a few weeks ago. Right now I am happy. remember this moment. It is the truth. I feel good. So there, depression. You are not invincible.
I am an obscene person. I am crude and cruel. I do not particularly want to be. I just want to be happy.
I honestly believe God is the remedy for my human affliction. If you do not, I am sorry. Just sit in your wrongness, and be wrong.
Sometimes the surface has just as much meaning as the deep parts. Remember that. Sometimes deep conversations are just random thoughts.
I love the bible. It is so detailed and intense. I love feeling at peace. I love being content with what you have. I wish this feeling lasted longer. I don't like the constant struggle with my flesh. I do not like to die to myself. "To live is Christ. To die is gain," I would so happily die for a cause, the life of a martyr is harder than his death.
I feel free right now. I want to do so much more with my life than simply existing. I want to write a book. I want to fall in love. (The proper way.) You know the only goal I hope to accomplish before I die is to marry a woman whom I love and who loves me.
I let myself be taken over by fear. I let it dwell inside me. It makes me believe that I am pathetic and incapable. It tels me I cannot be qualified to lead, to do God's will.
I want a person who is committed to learning God's word. I want them to ask me to teach them. I want them to commit and follow through. I want them to read and outline and memorize. I want to make a disciple.
I trust God to provide for my monetary needs for school. I really do. I get my first check tomorrow. 10% directly to Him. 90% directly in the bank.
I will not be afraid. Just saying:

"if God is for us, who can be against us?"

"do not afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go"

"be strong and courageous."

"God will never leave you nor forsake you."


Ok. This is my declaration. I trust God. I will honor Him. I want to do His will. Here am I, send me.


PS. I need a passport. Cool.

2 comments:

  1. Just out of curiosity, Denis, how does one go about falling in love "the proper way"? How is love ever anything but proper?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Where both parties are in love, not just one-sided.

    ReplyDelete